Deep Thoughts Before Sleeping
by azulafitz
Summary: Oneshot. The Captain contemplates on Maria's sudden departure after the party has ended and goes up to his room towards the comfort of his bed.


Song: Payphone - Maroon 5

Disclaimer: I do not own anything. Or any of the characters.

* * *

Captain's POV

That blasted party. It had finally ended and I am able to crawl back into the comfort of my bed. However, I do not think my bed would be of any comfort for me tonight. I would not be getting enough sleep anyways.

Maria had left. She had left me. She had left us.

Why didn't I follow her? Why didn't I check up on her? Why do I care about her so much?

Suddenly a song popped into my mind.

_I'm at a payphone trying to call home  
_

_All of my change I spent on you  
_

_Where have the times gone  
_

_Baby it's all wrong, where are the plans we made for two?_

How can it be? She was just right here in my arms for what it seemed to be a minute ago. Why did she leave? Dancing with her, just felt so right. Her smile, her touch, her hands in mine left me breathless and wanting more. I realized that we fit perfectly together. If only I was able to lean a bit closer… we could have kissed. We were so close. Incredibly close.

_Yeah, I, I know it's hard to remember  
_

_The people we used to be  
_

_It's even harder to picture  
_

_That you're not here next to me  
_

_You say it's too late to make it  
_

_But is it too late to try?  
_

_And in our time that you wasted  
_

_All of our bridges burned down._

Suddenly, it occurred to me that I am in love with her. I love her everything. Ever since she sat on that little pinecone the children had put on her chair during dinner on her first night here. What a bewitching little creature. That thunderstorm when she sang about her favorite things to the children? That was quite enchanting. Even through her thick white nightgown of hers, she looked incredibly beautiful.

She haunted my dreams for these past few weeks. Her and that sweet voice of hers had traveled into my dreams and I could not keep her out of it. I have to admit, it was pleasant. I always found myself sleeping earlier than usual, knowing that Maria would be in my dreams at night. Isn't it wrong to dream of her? Of course, I am her employer after all. My reputation would be at stake here. Yet, being with her feels so natural to me.

Damn this woman!

_I've wasted my nights  
_

_You turned out the lights  
_

_Now I'm paralyzed  
_

_Still stuck in that time when we called it love_

_But even the sun sets in paradise  
_

How can she do that to the children? How can she do that especially to me? I found her letter in the foyer. My heart skipped a beat when I realized whose writing it was and the formality to it. Reading the letter shattered my reconstructed heart to pieces. She missed the abbey. She was a postulate, going to be a nun. What was I thinking that she could ever love me back?

_I'm at a payphone trying to call home  
_

_All of my change I spent on you  
_

_Where have the times gone  
_

_Baby it's all wrong, where are the plans we made for two?_

Tomorrow. No, practically today, I must wake up early and leave to go to the abbey. I must find Maria. I need answers. I want to know why she left all of a sudden. Did the children do something to her to make her leave? I highly doubt it. They love her too much as well as I. Why didn't she at least say goodbye in person.

_If happy ever after did exist  
_

_I would still be holding you like this  
_

_All those fairytales are full of it  
_

_One more stupid love song I'll be sick_

I can't get any sleep tonight. Damn Elsa and this party. That's right…Elsa. This party was for Elsa. We are going to be married. She will be my wife and the mother of my children and we will live a very happy life together. After all, we both come from the same backgrounds.

Telling myself that Elsa and I will be happy seems quite cliché. I absolutely do not think we will be happy nor will the children be as well. Elsa and I are complete opposites. She loves the glitz and glam in Vienna where she belongs and I just love the serenity of Salzburg. I belong here, with my children and… Maria. I must break it off with Elsa before it gets out of hand.

Maria opened my eyes and saved me. She opened my heart to the world. My heart is hers._  
_  
_You turned your back on tomorrow  
_

_Cause you forgot yesterday  
_

_I gave you my love to borrow  
_

_But just gave it away_

When she was in that enchanting blue dress on the night of the puppet show, she took my breath away. Her smile, her eyes, and her face was the image I couldn't get out of my mind when I went to bed that night. The way she looked when I sang Edelweiss seemed as if she was an angel. I couldn't help but stare, I felt as if Maria and I were the only ones in the room.

_You can't expect me to be fine  
_

_I don't expect you to care  
_

_I know I've said it before  
_

_But all of our bridges burned down  
_

I do not know what went wrong tonight. She was teaching Kurt the landler. I asked her to dance. We danced and I thought we had a marvelous time. She looked so beautiful. Dancing with her just felt so right. It was the best thing that happened to me tonight. Now, she's gone.

_I've wasted my nights  
_

_You turned out the lights  
_

_Now I'm paralyzed  
_

_Still stucked in that time when we called it love  
_

_But even the sun sets in paradise_

We were so close to kissing. I could smell her strawberry scent shampoo in her hair. If only she didn't back away from me. I imagine her lips very soft and tender brushing against mine. If only the children weren't there watching us. I don't think she would have backed away.

Georg you fool! She would have anyways! She doesn't love you! You and she cannot be together.

_I'm at a payphone trying to call home  
_

_All of my change I spent on you  
_

_Where have the times gone  
_

_Baby it's all wrong, where are the plans we made for two?_

Why does this have to be so complicated? If I hadn't thrown this party, she would have never left. Yet, we wouldn't have danced then. Thinking about these 'what ifs' do not help me at all. All I can think about it Maria and how good it would be if we were together.

_If happy ever after did exist_

_I would still be holding you like this_

_All those fairytales are full of it  
_

_One more stupid love song I'll be sick  
_

I haven't slept at all. Thinking about Maria has kept me awake the entire night. The sun will come out soon. Then I'll never be able to sleep.

_Now I'm at a payphone..._

I must sleep because then I will see Maria in my dreams again.


End file.
